Want to know how to repair a leaky sink? Or learn the latest dance moves? Or listen to the soundtrack of that movie you just watched? Likely the answer to where you would go to solve these is the same— the internet. Your solutions are one good Google or AI request away! And as we all use our resources for answers, we are shifting the human relationship paradigm away from answers and into nuances.

Complicating this reality is the generational dynamics that exist in our world—we have large amounts of 60–74 year olds, matched by similar amounts of 30-44 year olds, and a much smaller group between those two. This means developing future leaders is a significant task and one that is imperative for businesses to thrive in the future.

Estimates pin 2028 as the year that the number of retiring workers no longer surpasses 10,000 per day. Think about the institutional knowledge and skill that is leaving our workplace daily. Our “mentoring skills” have largely consisted of one person telling another person how to do something, or how they should do something, or how not to do something. All telling. No experimentation or opportunity to grow and learn on their own. In other words, no Google experience.

This telling experience isn’t bonding employees to employers, isn’t engaging either of them in complex thinking or reasoning or growing their judgment. And matched with all the complaints about how to get “younger workers” to see the full picture, the frustration levels are rising making stronger and stronger statements.

It’s time to approach this differently. To imagine and employ a continuum where telling is on one end and asking is on the other. This Tell/Ask Continuum includes a range of skills between directive (Telling) and inquiry (Asking) where leaders grow into a new way of developing others, and employees develop into strong leaders. This range of skills includes Telling (which may already have been mastered), Mentoring (mix of sharing, reflection, and telling) and Questioning, which encourages exploration and understanding.

You’ll notice quickly how conversations change when you use questions to engage people instead of your insights or opinions. Don’t tell people what they already know, ask them questions about what they know, where their knowledge meets their learning edge, and how you can participate in closing that gap. Have you said, “I’ve told them that a number of times, nothing is changing”? And the surprise in your voice about expecting someone else to do something differently while you continue to employ the same skill is your first indication that it is time to consider your approach in addition to their effort.

Use open-ended questions to solicit different perspectives, invite everyone to the conversation, and hear ideas you haven’t heard before. And, speaking of new ideas, tune your listening ears to objectivity, remove your personal bias into the way things are done or have to be done. This will further levels of engagement and you’ll enjoy the answers to those open-ended questions! You will also recall what is being said with much more specificity, recognizing others for their comments and opinions in conversations.

Another shift in approach is to pause when you realize you are telling something that is already known. One of the best ways to anchor a skill is to teach it, so have them tell you how to do that thing, giving you the chance to listen for gaps or discrepancies. Of course, this requires you to listen with an open mind, that they might have a way that achieves the goal without doing it exactly as you taught them, or as you have done. This is especially significant in places where long-term skills are being transitioned to new eyes.

When sharing out something that is in process, perhaps a new project or rollout, instead of asking for agreement or not (“does this make sense?” forces colleagues into agreement) ask something that solicits input (“what am I missing?” or “what isn’t here?”) and then open that mind to receive additions and edits.

One last piece that will help you shift into an asking approach is to ask follow-up questions before you insert your opinion. So many leaders offer their opinion first, which has the unfortunate effect of shutting down all the good inputs that could be there.

These are small shifts in approach that will reap great rewards. Cultivate them in your leadership toolbox, practice and play with them until you are comfortable in their application.

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